Small-Talkin' Baseball

As Spring Training 2010 comes to a close, pondering the baseball season that's about to begin for the New York Mets calls to mind an exchange by two guys as they passed outside the local bagel shop.

One asked how the other was doing and the answer required neither to break stride.

"I got up this morning," the respondent said, then walked into the store.

Whether this will prove to be the best thing a fan can say about the team that is packing to head north to Flushing for Monday's game against the Florida Marlins at Citi Field remains to be seen. Traditionally, spring is the season when baseball fans' optimism is in full bloom and it's okay to dream big.

But right now, given the way that things have gone for the Mets the past two years -- and during this spring training -- it might be best to keep the talk small in early April, if only to reduce the risk of stomach trouble in mid-August.

For those who like examples, here are several that are safe enough (although this blogger can't guarantee an expiration date for any of them):

"Johan is the man."

"David Wright has been hitting the way he can."

"I really like what Jeff Francoeur brings to the table."

"Mike Pelfrey is keeping the ball down."

"Mejia and Tejada have opened some eyes."

"Jose Reyes is coming back."

Note that the above suggestions allow for some nice positive conversation while keeping the articulation of expectations to a minimum. This explains the absence of Jason Bay, the Mets' big-ticket free agent acquisition. Dropping his name can only lead to an attempt to project his home run and RBI totals for the season, which is simply asking for trouble.

Meanwhile, no such restrictions need apply when it comes to talk about the New York Yankees. The defending world champions have the honor of opening the baseball season tomorrow by facing their archrival -- Bay's former team -- the Boston Red Sox in Fenway Park, in a primetime game nationally televised on ESPN (except in New York and Boston, where the teams' own networks will be the providers).

Now that's about as small as it gets --- if you happen to believe that any film Cecil B. DeMille ever made with Charlton Heston can be called short.

The Mets are another story -- surely, if it were told in a movie, that story would need a Coen Brothers script written with Steve Buscemi in mind -- and that's where conversational downsizing shows its merit.

Some years ago, I saw the value in keeping things simple as a guest at a wedding reception where the only person I knew was My Wonderful Wife Peg. When you're seated at a table with several people who are strangers, instead of taking the initiative, sometimes the better choice is to stay quiet and listen until the moment comes when a comment is actually expected of you.

The other thing I realized is that just as one good suit can get a man through a string of wedding celebrations, a short list of responses can sustain an accomplished listener for three to five hours at a clip.

These included:

"No kidding."

"Really."

"I can imagine."

"You don't say."

"I know exactly what you mean."

After a while, I added some others (due, in part, because one of my brothers-in-law caught on). But just as the Mets have players whom people within the organization call their "core," I have had mine. One might say I started small with the small talk before expanding the roster of responses.

I also noticed that much the same as a successful pitcher learns to change speeds, altering an inflection or shifting emphasis arms one with an arsenal of ways to deliver an effective "You don't say" in the clutch. Think in terms of becoming the Tom Seaver of Small Talk, because over the long haul, there's more to the art of conversation than rising fastballs.

Above all, Mets fans should remember that just as there's no crying in baseball, there's no room for boasting in small talk. No need to declare something now that could come back to haunt you later --- a consideration that is largely unknown to fans of the New York Yankees.

The National Pastime is back and I'm ready. Just to show that my game is in mid-season form, catch this one: The Mets got up this morning and so did I.

We might even do it again tomorrow.

Play ball!